he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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