dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
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He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
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We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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