p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
