Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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