It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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