Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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