I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
