he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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