two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
