I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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