I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
