Got a toothbrush?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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