Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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