How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
