Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
