cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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