Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
