Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize