I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
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I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
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When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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