it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
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