he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
