if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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