Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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