he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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