it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
