Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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