At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
