I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My balls are so social today.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
