similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
