Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
