Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
