I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
