god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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