The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The adults are the big ones right?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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