I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
