Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
