he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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