I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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