woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
