i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Randomize
