hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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