What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
