I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
