He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
you had me at cake vodka
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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