and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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