We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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