Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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