and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
