everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
