batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
