So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Randomize
