I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
