Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
