Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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