in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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