I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
