i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
