if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
