Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
