Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
