I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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