Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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