haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
