Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
