meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
