why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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