your thong is hanging out like whoa
You smell like stripper and shame
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
