it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
