Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize