I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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