Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
