I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
