She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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