you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
