How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
