wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
