guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize