we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
