so explain again why im purple
no
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
