Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
