friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
